Time with God – Stephen Kinkaid

‘A seat at the table:  Welcoming every boy with love’

For ten years at the back of my mind has been a Junior Section Boy (Autism / Aspergers) who left our BB Company and joined another local company here in Carrickfergus. Looking back at what we do now compared to what we did then we absolutely were not meeting his needs or adapting our programme in any way to make BB work for him.  As a Captain I’ve felt for years that I failed this young man but I was so thankful to hear from his mum recently that he is doing his King’s Badge. He did work experience with us last year in my day job and he’s a mature and highly intelligent young man and he blew my mind with his strong grasp of mathematics. I’d employ him in a heartbeat.  I’m so pleased BB did work out for him despite our failings back then.

Move forward to 2024 and we were approached by a parent of a young lad who had fairly complex additional needs and who needed a 1-1 leader.. I was told another BB Company struggled with his needs last year (much like we did in the example above) and his mum removed him. She wanted to try BB again. We’ve changed a lot in the past ten years and it’s so great that this young man’s BB experience to date has been a positive one.  It’s not easy but our amazing group of volunteer leaders stepped up and worked hard to make BB work for this lad. We’ve all received training and his 1-1 BB Leader  is a teacher from a Special School so we have a great professional resource to seek advice from.

I was asking our leaders about a biblical example I could use for this devotional and we settled upon Mephibosheth who was a young boy who was hidden away and was never seen.  He was King Saul’s Grandson, he was living with a disability and was effectively hidden away but that thankfully changed and should be our example as we work in BB with all boys.

King David sought him out and changed his life forever.  Mephibosheth at age 5 was dropped and was ‘lame in both feet’. His home town was Lo-debar in isolation. Yet look at what King David said in 2 Samuel 9 verse 1

‘Is there anyone left of Saul’s family that I may show kindness for Jonathan’s sake’

There was no judgement, he was not treated any differently because of his disability and he was given his rightful place at the Royal Table. He was treated just like one of David’s own sons. What a lesson for us all in BB as we seek to work with Boys with additional needs.

What lessons do I draw from this story in Scripture for us as BB Leaders:

Work to create an inclusive place for all boys

You know what is amazing in that story above was that David did not wait for Mephibosheth to come to him -  he went looking for him.  As leaders we should make every effort to make those boys with additional needs ‘feel seen’ and to give them a place at the ‘BB Table’. We should change our outlook and attitudes to create BB Companies where these boys feel as much a part of BB as everyone else in all aspects of the BB Programme.  For leaders who have been in the job for years I know this will have challenges in changing how you maybe have always done things but take this as your challenge to embrace this change. We’re still on a journey as a BB company and are in no way perfect but one step at a time on this amazing journey.

See beyond the additional need

You know every year when the boys do their transfer test in P7 I tell them that their results do not define them as a person.  We should take the same attitude to boys with additional needs. Each boy has their own unique skills and personalities and we should embrace that. We should plan programme so these personalities shine through for each individual boy in our BB companies.

Create a safe table

Ten years ago our BB activities were not a ‘safe table’ for one young man and he left to go to another BB Company. We need to adapt our environments, activities and thinking to ensure we provide the same BB experience (dignity, family, security, love) to all boys who come through our doors to ensure all boys have a place at the BB Table as we seek to Raise Generations of Christ Like Men.

Our efforts to welcome boys into our companies with additional needs should honour Christ’s Command to  ‘Love one another as I have loved you’ (John 13:34).  Communicate regularly with parents and see how things are going and ask those parents (who know their child better than anyone) how you as their BB company can better support their son’s needs and let’s make BB a more open place for all boys one seat at the table at a time.